Amusings

-CTB

“Wrigley Concerts hit sour note”

It may just be me, but I have always considered Wrigley Field a Mecca of baseball. Something about watching steroid induced men in tight striped pants play America’s game against a backdrop of ivy has always given me a tingle usually reserved for a Topanga sighting on “Boy Meets World.” I try to attend at least 15 Cubs games a year because I enjoy Wrigley so much. I have always thought of it as a nice place to relax and escape. But lately, something has been happening to my ballpark…something strange is going on at Clark and Addison….they’re playing music inside and it’s not Gary Pressy at the Lowery Organ. It’s Jimmy Buffett! It’s Sting! It’s Billy Joel! It’s Elton John!

It’s stupid.

Jimmy Buffett has no reason to be singing anywhere. If he and his parrot shirt showed up at my Nana’s nursing home to perform “Margaritaville”, I would not allow Nana to attend karaoke. More so, what do parrots and margaritas have to do with Wrigley Field? Unless the parrot is drunk on margaritas and constantly repeating the name “Paul Assenmacher,” I see no similarities.

Let me touch on Sting for a moment. Any man whose claim to fame is being on the radio EVERYTIME I am in the dentist’s office has no reason to be playing a concert inside one of sports’ greatest shrines. He and the Police treated centerfield almost as badly as Michael Tucker.

My problem with the Billy Joel and Elton John concert is very simple: I love Billy Joel and Elton John. I respect their music. I think they are two of the greatest musicians of our time. I don’t want to get angry with them, but I have to.

I am a firm believer that Wrigley Field was designed for one reason: baseball. Hockey was never supposed to be played there and it was. I didn’t watch, but a lot of people who want to pretend they like hockey did. Football wasn’t supposed to be played there, but it was. I can handle that. At least football and hockey are sports, therefore they have an affiliation to baseball, but why must we have concerts by rock stars who have no affiliation? Isn’t that why we have the Allstate Arena, United Center, Sears Centre, and UIC Pavillion?

Elton John’s closest affiliation to the game of baseball was the sequined Dodger uniform he donned in 1975. To me, that’s not a strong enough resume to play Wrigley. Strike one. He also is British. The British play cricket, not baseball. That’s strike two. Strike three? Well, you guessed it: “Daniel”. Terrible song. Can’t stand it.

Billy Joel also has three strikes against him. Number one, he is the only person in history to play Madison Square Garden, Giants Stadium, Yankee Stadium and Shea Stadium. He is a New Yorker, born and raised. His idol was Billy Martin (judging by his driving record, I can see why). I don’t need to hear a New Yorker telling me how much he loves my ballpark.

Strike two: He has a daughter with Christie Brinkley. How the hell did that happen? He’s 5’5. He looks like Jessica Simpson sat on his face and flattened it, and he marries Christie Brinkley? It may be a personal vendetta, but its strike two.

Strike three is a very easy, simple strike. It’s not cool to be a Billy Joel fan. I’ve loved his music for a long time, but I can’t tell anyone that. A bald headed, pudgy 60 year old man, who is married to a 26 year old woman, sitting behind a piano singing the lyrics “you catholic girls start much too late” doesn’t make it cooler.

Wrigley Field is at 1060 W. Addison. It is the home of the Chicago Cubs. It has hosted great moments like the Homer in the Gloamin’, Sammy Sosa’s back to back 60 homerun seasons (and his Flintstone vitamins), and my personal favorite: Bruce Froemming taking it to Milt Pappas. I implore the Cubs organization not to allow concerts by soft rockers to ruin the legend of this great place. Leave that to the idiots throwing garbage on the field. At least when they ruin the ambiance I don’t have to hear “Daniel”.

ABOUT THE AUTHOR

I am supposed to write a little something about myself, Brendan Green. Now, really I know all about me, so you would think it would be pretty easy for me to do this, but it’s tougher than you would guess. I write under the name “CTB” because it’s a nickname of mine. I didn’t give it to myself. I don’t allow people to give themselves nicknames, and nor should you.

Baseball gets my blood boiling, my smile widening and my pants tightening. I watch as many Cubs games as my not busy schedule allows.
My favorite athlete of all time is former Cub first baseman Mark Grace. He drank, he smoked, and he played a mean not-so-hot corner. Second place would have to be former White Sox catcher Ron Karkovice. Since his face looked like it had been set on fire and put out with an old golf shoe, he worked wonders for my self esteem.

I don’t watch much ESPN, or listen to too many of their commentators. If I had the option however, I would wish constant laryngitis upon Chris Berman.

Why should you read my blog? Well you don’t have to if you don’t want to. I can’t force you to do anything. But, if I were to suggest you read it, it would be for the following reasons:

I don’t know what I’m going to talk about before I write it, and sometimes after I read it, I still don’t know.

I have a set of rules in my head that I feel all people should follow, such as no one should answer anybody else’s cell phone, and hugs hello should be outlawed. The main problem with these rules is that I am the only one who knows them.

Finally, because I’m just like you. I’m not a professional; I’m simply a 24 year old man with opinions, thoughts (coherent and incoherent), feelings, observations, and a sense of humor. Sadly, all of those characteristics set me apart from about 90% of the population of this Earth.

If you decide to read my blogs, I thank you. I welcome your opinions, your kudos, your complaints, your questions, and your requests for marriage. If you do not read it, then so be it. But let me forewarn you, Chris Berman has never said anything close to as creative as what I will.