Cousin Bink's Country Beer Jamboree

Volume 1, Issue 3

I consider myself a good Catholic. I don't eat meat during Lent, I attend mass at around a 65% rate, and though I was never approached, if Father Happy-Pants told me to kneel, I would have obliged. Now that works for me and whatever works for others is fine by me. If you like Buddha, rub that fat guy's stomach. You like Judaism, cool, just stay away from pork. But this isn't an article about religion and how we should choose our own. No it's about how I can't stand people pushing their religious beliefs on me. Now this doesn't sound like much coming from someone who attended 12 years of Catholic grammar and high school. But, when you go to a school that starts with St. or ends with of Mary you know what to expect. No, the one place I don't want to hear about religion is in sports.

While watching the pre-game show of the NFC title game I was treated to a ten minute piece on Kurt Warner and how he knew that Jesus was still with him when he got ran out of New York and he felt Jesus pulling him towards Arizona. Was it Jesus who made you decide that you'd love to stay in Arizona as long as they pay you $23 million for 2 years?

Warner is just one example (although one of the more visible and loudest) of the numerous pro athletes that tout religion and it's become commonplace to hear that, along with hearing how athletes can't "forget where they came from" when one runs afoul of the law. Usually after the run-in with the law the athlete turns to God, so then you have the double-dipper. As bad as the pro athlete Jesus Thumper is there's one person I can't stand even more than them.

Tim Tebow.

Also known as the 2007 Heisman Trophy Winner. 2-Time National Champion. Florida Gators legend. One of the 5 greatest college football players ever. And of course a man who if you spend 5 minutes with him, you will become a better person. The worst thing about this bozo? Someone advising him knows he won't be a high draft pick so we'll have to live through another year of any SEC football game being hijacked into a Tebow love-fest.

All the hyperbole at the beginning of the last paragraph is bad enough, but I could take that because it's just what others said about him and he can't be blamed for that. The constant talk about him circumcising poor Indonesians or wherever he went for his missionary work? Again, annoying but it's not like he was out there talking about it. At this point he's about as guilty as Mr. Effort Tyler Hansbrough, who is no more than a ESPN creation.

No, he gets the thumbs down from me for constantly thinking that he is the team and constantly having to have the focus all on him. His crying interview after the loss to Ole Miss, promising to never let down his teammates again. His constant running around and screaming at his teammates like the coach's 10 year old son. His stupid eye-black always saying a scripture verse.

I know Tebow has a lot of heart and effort and Jesus's love running through his veins, but he tries jumping into the special teams huddle before the (Insert name of unfortunate NFL team that drafts him) kick-off and he'll be knocked down so quick he'll wish he was acting as a mohel in the Philippines again. And I'll enjoy it all, while I pray for Jesus to help me win the Mega-Millions.