AMusings

Welcome to opening day! Many people say that Christmas is their favorite holiday, others enjoy the fourth of July, some even vote for Thanksgiving. Not I. My favorite holiday is today. It is the beginning of a new baseball season. 6 months of unadulterated bliss are ahead of us. Every major league team (even my Pittsburgh Pirates) are in the running.

What we do know from experience is that all of these teams will not remain in the running for too long. As a matter of fact, I heard Dusty Baker and his Cincinnati Reds are already planning for next season. However, in the interest of showing off my psychic abilities, and crushing the hopes of all of you Royals fans, I am going to predict the finishing order of every division in Major League Baseball. It’s kind of like the old Johnny Carson segment “The Great Carson-i” except I wear that hat every day.

AMERICAN LEAGUE

A.L. EAST

1st Place- Boston Red Sox
I am aware that the Red Sox are older and slower, but I think my close personal friend PAPI will be back on his game in 2009.

2nd Place- New York Yankees (Wild Card Winner)
I like Joe Girardi. Some might even go as far as calling him “a good guy” (and those people can borrow Natasha Richardson’s skis anytime they like.) I don’t think Girardi going to be able to lead the Bronx Bombers to an AL East title this year though.

3rd Place- Tampa Bay Rays
I know they are the defending AL champions, but I think they have really upset the two teams above them in these standings, and while I don’t think their run last year was a fluke, I do think the Red Sox and Yankees of least year were.

4th place/5th place- Does it matter? If you live in Toronto or Baltimore just buy the MLB Extra Innings Package and pretend to enjoy the other teams.

A.L CENTRAL

1st Place- Minnesota Twins- It’s finally time for Peter Gammons’ babies to do it.
2nd Place- Cleveland Indians- After a disappointing season last year, I fully expect Cleveland to bounce back. They’re better than they showed in 2008.

3rd Place- Chicago White Sox- They won the division last year, but I think that was the definition of getting hot at the right time. I’m sorry South Siders. Not this year.

4th Place- Detroit Tigers- Based solely on how disappointed everyone was with them last year, I’m not rooting for them anymore.

5th Place- Kansas City Royals- Bad baseball. Bad, Bad, Bad.

A.L. WEST
1st Place- Los Angeles Angels of Anaheim and Northern California on the West Coast of the United States of America in the Western Hemisphere- That’s all you need to know for the AL West. The rest of the teams, which include the baseball juggernauts of Texas, Seattle and Oakland will not compete, and the Angels will be making playoff plans by Labor Day.

-Off topic prediction- Nick’s blog at Milwaukee Bucks. Com will be declared the greatest blog ever. A close second will be PerezHilton.com (AMusings will come in at number 592, right behind CTB’s doppelganger, Rosie O’Donnell.)

NATIONAL LEAGUE

N.L. EAST
1st Place- New York Mets- In my opinion, they have everything going for them. They have a new ballpark, the best pitcher in the National League (and probably all of major league baseball) and the best batting stance in history, Gary Sheffield.

2nd Place- Atlanta Braves- Bobby Cox (who looks frighteningly like Pope John Paul II) will not be happy to receive this news, but he’s not winning the division this year. Chipper Jones can only hold the offense for so long.

3rd Place- Philadelphia Phillies- This one I’m not too sure on. Ryan Howard is very good, very, very good, but in the words of a friend of mine “He’s too strike-outy”.

4th Place- Florida Marlins- This will not be one of those years where the Marlins come out and surprise everyone. They have too much competition at the top of the division to do that. They’ll be a solid baseball team though. I put them around 80 wins.

5th Place- Washington Nationals- Ugh. Not good.


N.L. CENTRAL

1st Place- Chicago Cubs- That right there…that you can bet your house on. They will win this division by 15 games. Even if they have to battle the “June Swoon” or battle injury, they will still win by 5 games.

2nd Place- Cincinnati Reds- Why not? They have some great young talent, the unfortunate coincidence is that their manager doesn’t know what to do with them. He’s only comfortable bossing Mac Newton around.

3rd Place- Milwaukee Brewers- I love watching the Brewers. They are absolutely one of my favorite teams to watch, but with only Gallardo on the pitching staff, they won’t be able to compete.

4th Place- St. Louis Cardinals- Old. Bad. Angry. Old. Not fast. Not good. Old.

5th Place- (My) Pittsburgh Pirates- The Pirates haven’t been above .500 since their last playoff appearance in 1992. This year will be no different.

6th Place- Houston Astros- God help the people of Houston.

-Off topic prediction- CTB will get so tired of hearing about Jay Cutler, he will become a Packers fan just for spite.

N.L. WEST

1st Place- Los Angeles Dodgers- MANNY! MR. MANNY! The fact they will have Manny playing at his highest ability, combined with Joe Torre, there shouldn’t be too much trouble winning this division for Vin Scully’s boys.

2nd Place- Arizona Diamondbacks (Wild Card Winners)- Everyone gets excited by Brandon Webb and Dan Haren, and rightfully so, but I have no idea who their 3, 4 and 5 are. Their lineup also leaves something to be desired.

3rd Place- Colorado Rockies- I like their pitching staff. It won’t matter though, because you could hit a homerun in Denver using a toothpick.

4th Place- San Francisco Giants- Better than last year, but not good by any stretch of the imagination.

5th Place- San Diego Padres- They will be a good team until Mr. Peavy makes bye bye’s and then it’s going to be real bad news.

Playoff Predictions? Sure why not.
NLDS- Cubs d. Diamondbacks
NLDS- Mets d. Dodgers
NLCS- Cubs d. Mets

ALDS- Yankees d. Angels
ALDS- Red Sox d. Twins
ALCS- Red Sox d. Yankees

World Series- Red Sox d. Cubs (I’m sorry.)

There you have my predictions. You can feel free to place money on these things based on what I have said, but I wouldn’t suggest it.